Mixed Messages

I keep it private, so it was a mixed message. I didn't realise until I was older that my parents were probably embarrassed at their inability to have children and they felt it reflected on them. Whereas when I was younger, I thought it reflected on me. I associated shame with keeping it quiet.

I didn't understand it, though I was told not to tell anyone about it. So that made me feel that it wasn't something good.

My adopter who I called Shirley, was embarrasses that I was adoptee I was never her child as she continue to try to have more children she lost 2 before me. I was only gotten to help her get over her earlier loss, now where the sense in that and it still going on…….

People who can’t have children are at loss/ grief! A want of a child!

We are given away/ taken and made to fit into their lifestyle.

A doll is given to a child to nursing to play roll and as it happen they grow up and move onto something else in my case a bottle to drink her cares away.

My care’s where never answers or look after.

I look after myself from the age of 9 I Had no childhood like others kids around me and her husband whom I will say in away was a father like figure in the willy willy world I live.

I got a bad pick you say.

Well, you can pick/like your friends……. but not your blood family right!

Well I never got the chance to even have a say if I like my blood family!

Yes I had a roof over my head – food on the table- Bed to sleep in –

But my health needs the core of life – no, life style understanding of whom or what am I–no I was not look after as a child of love!

I live my life lost ---in the real sense of words

Lost in the forest of knowledge of me for a life time till the age of 60 years!

I now got to learn speed read all about my family before I died

I wish this on no one!

But I will say out loud to the adoption community world,

“ Stop living in the Alice in Wonderland world!”

It not real!

You are not real!

Grow up and become a real human who has common sense because at this point in time you are having a temper tantrum you want a child any child

A child not a toy it an little human being who grow up while you remain in the back woods of life roll playing a forever family to your rules not the rules of life.

Stop the Tantrum- grow up!

Allow us the children with needs to have a life of,

compassion-real-family-love- knowledge- true-connection-for-our-needs!

Mrs Kerri Small

President Within These Walls

17.4.2018